Spoiler Review: The Invisible

January 28th, 2008 by Ghost

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“The Invisible” has the honor of being one of the more illogical films I’ve seen recently. Once you find out the double meaning of the title you’ll be slitting your own wrists just like the target demographic of this overly blue crapfest.

Mildy hunky yet nonthreatening pretty boy Justin Chatwin plays Nick Powell, a long haired angstpoet with dreams of hitting it big on the authoring circuit. You see, Nick’s father died when the boy was just 13 (sob) leaving a big hole in his life. He fills this hole with loathing for his emotionally two dimensional mother and notebooks full of pretentious string-of-words poetry. If that wasn’t enough to make you zip up your hoodie, we’re introduced to Nick through a suicide fantasy dream. Off to a fantastic start!

At school Nick is misunderstood and nearly friendless (HE’S INVISIBLE, GET IT???), except for bully doormat Pete, played by Chris Marquette, an actor whose face I would love to punch. When Pete runs afoul of a local gang of punks led by a 90 pound girl named Annie (Margarita Levieva), Nick steps in to monetarily even up good Peter’s score, thus earning himself the ire of the toughs. Annie, with her little knife and skullcap is, seriously, 96 pounds at most, yet I’m supposed to buy it when she leaps across a table and punches Nick in the eye? I’m supposed to be afraid of this chick? No dice!

Why is cute little hard-nosed Annie putting up such a front? Her mom died when she was just a child and now she lives in squalor (flatscreen TV upgrade squalor, I might add) where she’s, get this, INVISIBLE TO HER UNHAPPY FATHER! OH MY GOD! I wish this movie had been invisible.

After a series of misunderstandings and one completely bullshit wimp-out moment by Pete, Annie and her Abercrombie and Fitch badboys set out to put a hurt on poor, innocent Nick. Which they do. Since Nick ends up not breathing and mostly deceased after this beating, they throw him down into a well lit…something to hide the “murder”. Right in the middle of the woods there is this weird sewer access hatch that goes down about 10 or 15 feet to a metal grate floor, yet no one in town knows it exists. I think it’s called a contrived plot device, but I’m not sure. Ask your local city planner.

It’s here that Nick’s ghost shows up and he really is invisible. The irony is almost too much. His body is still alive, somehow, and it’s a race against time to get someone to find it and rescue him. From here on out, the film plays it fast and loose with what Nick is able to do in spirit form. Sometimes Annie can hear him, sometimes she can’t. Sometimes he can move things, sometimes he can’t. It’s all a pile of shit and it’s made even worse when the only one that can help him is Annie, his tiny little button nosed killer. In one threat to my lunch, perverted ghost Nick spoons with her on a gymnastics mat in the highschool where she’s sleeping. See also, dangling plot threads from a rugged city detective.

Towards the end of the film, Annie’s ex-con boyfriend Marcus moves Nick (WITH HELP FROM FUCKING PETE) down by some rocks at the bank of a river so that when the dam opens he’ll be washed away. Don’t worry, though, Nick survives being hauled out of that mystery well, the trip to the dam, and being thrown on the jagged rocks. Hooray! Also, he drowns but doesn’t at the climax. He’s shown falling to the bottom and then like magic he’s right back on the rocks. Alive, but not well.

The film ends with creepy but now totally alive Nick falling in love with Annie as she dies from a gunshot wound inflicted by her boyfriend. I don’t know where all of these teens got their pistols from and I don’t care. I’m not going to bother telling you how it all went down either because it isn’t worth it. A bullshit ghost story for the black-nailpolish-teenaged set and fans of unrequited love, “The Invisible” is better left unseen.

½

Buy from Amazon.com : The Invisible
Buy from Amazon.ca : The Invisible

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