Tips for Classy Livings Part I: Classy Living Spaces

August 12th, 2007 by Justice

While we may – not incorrectly – assume that a beard and monocle exude the utmost level of class, it is important not to overlook the home. I know, valued reader, you are saying to yourself right now, “Who is this jerk? I bet he doesn’t even have a valued pocket watch given to him by his father just before he succumbed to his war wounds.” Well, you’re wrong.

I do have a pocket watch, and, though my father is still alive, he is not currently visible from where I sit and, had I just woken up from a dream in which he died in the war, I may, for a moment, as the hazy fog of dreamy sleep lifts itself from my groggy head, believe he had, in fact, died in reality, rather than the truth: he was only dead in the horrific dreamscape that haunts my nightly slumber.


While not technically a pocket watch, it fits comfortably into most standard-sized pockets.

But I digress. As I said, the home must not be overlooked as a crucial part of any classy gentleman’s classy lifestyle. What follows are a handful of tips and tricks for transforming the heinous sty that you call a home into a source of limitless pride.


Step 1: Frame Things
It doesn’t really matter what you frame, if it’s in a frame, it’ll look good. Original art? Perfect. Some poster you’ve had since college? Sure, it’ll be ironic. If there’s anything that highlights the all-around quality of a chap’s gentlemanly wit, it’s a sparkling sense of irony.


BONUS TIP: Point out to friends and family that the Alanis Morissette song “Ironic” is, in fact, not ironic. How ironic!


Step 2: Books!
Now before you fly into a rage, allow me to give an important detail: there is no reading of books required. That’s right: no reading. Except for this paragraph. You’ll have to read this paragraph. Once you’re done that, all you, the humble gentleman, will need to do is purchase the books. Now, one cannot just waltz into a bookstore and buy any book you see there; you’ll need books that will earn you the respect of your peers. For instance, while Harry Potter’s adventures may make you squeal with childish glee, it is of vital importance that you tell no one of this. Also, if you must include a Dan Brown novel, make sure to select Angels and Demons, and don’t forget to tell everyone you know that it’s so much better than The Da Vinci Code. For an extra classy look, buy older books or even non-fiction! If you don’t know what a non-fiction book is, don’t worry: they should be clearly labeled.


BONUS TIP 2: To really go the extra mile, try putting your books on a shelf!

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